Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
