She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
