does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
