the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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