marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
