she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
