note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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