i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
