I wanna bring you to show and tell
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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