wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
