the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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