Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"