OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch