i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money