i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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