4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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