She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
