Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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