He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
