We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
