I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
please come you make the beer taste better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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