I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
