Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
