my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
