One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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