xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In America we eat man semen.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
