i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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