You're my little dorito
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
