the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
