You made me cry and you don't even care
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize