How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
