Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
