Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
