I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
