We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my liver is dry heaving
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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