Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
