I love black thongs
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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