This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
