Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
