So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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