can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
