I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I cut my penus on the lid.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
