Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
