I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize