there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
