then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
