Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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