I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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