I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
