is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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