He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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