she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
