batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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