im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
