We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
