i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
