The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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