After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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