I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Text me some of your sweat
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