Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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