They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
