So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
