she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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