You really coming over, don't trick.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
