I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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