she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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