i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
