those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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