Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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