So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
