I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
